Damage Control
by KatieMatlinIsMySpiritAnimal
Summary: She's losing her weight. She's losing her mind. When an old acquaintance whom she wants nothing to do with discovers her anorexia, Emma realizes that he'll stop at nothing to keep her from losing one more thing: her life. May trigger eating disorder patients. Mentions of cutting. Takes place around Our Lips are Sealed. Jemma. Very small mentions of Pemma, Sparcy, and Palex.
1. Suspicions

Damage Control

By Degrassi-Doll

Jay x Emma

Chapter One

**Well, it is time for me to write this story because I've been thinking about it for a really long time! I related so well to Emma in Our Lips are Sealed, being a recovering ED patient myself. It is so, so painful to deal with, so it might get into a lot of detail into the minds of those who have EDs. By the way, I am always open to talk with anyone who's struggling through one!**

**Anyway, I've always loved Jay and Emma together, even before "Secret." One of my OTPs, in fact. And, of course, it kills me to write Sparcy in this story considering how much I ship Spaige (I actually don't hate Palex), but it's only for one or two chapters and it's not like they'll stay together in my head! Haha, sorry to the Sparcy-ers. I personally hate Sparcy more than most pairings. But they won't break up or anything in the story. They won't even be in it for more than a few chapters.**

**By the way, Emma's anorexia is still there. But, in my story, she's been going through it for about a month and people haven't really noticed due to her baggy clothing. She never passed out at school and her family never intervened.**

**Anyway, here goes! It's Jay's POV throughout the whole thing.  
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You know me. I'm always down for a party, even if it's a small one that probably can't even be considered a "party."

Good ol' Spinner, whose life kind of sucks right now due to pretty much everyone in the school hating him because of Jimmy Brooks getting shot, got persuaded by his perfect little girlfriend Darcy to have some people over to his house. He told me that she said it was a "healing process" and that he needs to "reach out to other people more" if he wants to keep his friends. I think she's full of shit, but I wouldn't tell him that. The guy's got pretty much everyone in the school on his case, and he doesn't need me telling him that his girlfriend's a wackjob. She's a wackjob who apparently thinks a "party" can have eight people, too, so it's not like a whole load of people are coming; nobody would come to anything at Spinner Mason's even if he did decide to invite everyone in the school. Nope, just him, Jesus Darcy, and me. And, well, a few others.

Paige and Alex are coming – Paige kind of forgave him, I guess, because of their history. Alex never really cared at all about the whole situation. And Darcy wanted Manny and Emma there, so Greenpeace just _had_ to bring along her douchebag boyfriend Peter. Don't like that kid at all. Smug little bastard.

It's probably going to suck. I have the car radio on, listening to James Hetfield from Metallica wailing about being the master of puppets. I almost wish I could stay in my car, drive around, and keep listening to my music. Or I could go to the ravine. It would be better than spending a Friday night with the people I'm about to go be with. Spinner, of course, I'm cool with right now. Alex and I have smoothed things over since she decided she was a lesbian (which still confuses the hell out of me), but those are the only people I really don't mind seeing tonight. Darcy. Oh, well. She's nice and all and makes Spinner happy, but I can't help but think that she thinks she's the most glorious thing since Jesus Himself to walk on the planet. Paige is a preppy little bitch, and I think that Alex can do a _lot_ better in women. God, it still feels so weird to even think that, considering how very, very _close_ Alex and I used to be. Manny, eh. I saw those girls of hers, thanks to the video that pretty-boy Peter Stone took. Not bad at all. I still don't care either way about her, though. Emma...oh. She's hated my guts ever since she found out I gave her a social disease after she gave me a _fantastic_ hummer at the ravine. Well, she gave me something. It was only fair to give her something back, right? Even if I didn't mean to. I mean, I'd be pissed, too. But she's being so whiny and dramatic over it, so I stopped caring about her, too. And Peter? I could shove the kid to the ground and kick his ribs in and not feel sorry for a second. I won't, though. I don't want his face coming in contact with my shoes. So, in the end, I could probably be having more fun at the ravine, in my car, or even at work. But it's for Spinner, and it is technically a "party" according to Darcy. Who am I to say no to a party, even one that's most likely going to be crappy?

I turn my radio off and pull into his driveway. Yeah, so I'm a little bit late to this party of his (he so-very-kindly texted me to "get ur ass over here, ur the last one here") because of work. Even though it's a Friday night and I should probably have been coming from school like the rest of them, I got expelled. Oh, well. Not a problem. School's never been my thing, anyway.

I finally get there to see everyone sitting at the outside patio table, eating pizza. Seems to me that Spinner's getting through to everyone a little – hell, he even seems to be enjoying himself. Everyone looks pretty damn happy, and they all greet me when they see me. They are a fun group of people, I guess, even if I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with half of them.

Pulling up a seat in between Spinner and Paige, I help myself to a slice of pizza – damn good pizza, at that - and look around the room at the company I have. Everyone looks pretty animated, except Peter and Emma. Emma's resting her shoulder on her head (and, for some ungodly reason, wearing a sweatshirt despite the hot temperature) and Peter looks like he's trying to talk to her about something. She doesn't seem to care. I don't blame her at all, actually. I'd be exhausted too if he was yapping in my ear the way he was to her.

"You gonna eat that?" Alex asks Emma, who is the only one on the table who still has a slice of pizza left on her plate.

"Go ahead. I ate dinner before I came," Emma replies as Alex shrugs and takes the piece. This action, for some reason, prompts Peter to look at Emma with a strange look. God, that kid's weird. When Emma rolls her eyes at him and turns to Manny to engage in a different conversation, I, again, don't blame her.

The conversation shifts when Paige says, with her usual Paige I'm-better-than-you air, "God, I can't believe it's May. I'm officially going to be a Banting girl come another few months."

"Yeah," Alex replies, "and I'll be stuck here again for another year. Can't _wait_."

"Hon, you'll be fine. We still have the whole summer!"

"Only until the end of July. Then I leave for Puerto Rico."

"You're going to Puerto Rico?" Darcy jumps in. "Gosh, it's so nice there! I went there last summer."

"And this summer you're going to California and leaving me here," Spinner complained.

"Oh, relax! It's only May."

As a result of all the summer chat, Manny butts in, "Our little Emma here is going to a leadership camp in Alberta! It's really difficult to get into. She must've impressed them with her resume. Saving the animals and supporting organic cafeteria food, one protest at a time."

Emma, who seemed to be in a daze of some sort, looks up and snaps out of whatever she was thinking. Everyone else seems too busy talking to everyone else to catch it, but I can't help but notice that she's seemed a little spacey since the party began. It's got to be tiredness - I thought I heard Peter talking about a really hard test that Kwan gave out today - or otherwise the fact that she was sick of Peter. Neither would surprise me. Again, though. I don't think much of it.

"I'm not going anymore," Emma says, a little hazily.

Manny chuckles. "You're funny, Em. 'I'm not going' my ass." Turning to everyone else, she says, "This is the only thing she's talked about since we were grade eights, finally becoming old enough to go to the Alberta Camp for Young Leaders or whatever it's called."

"I'm not kidding, Manny."

Stopping dead in her tracks, Manny looks Emma in the eye. Everyone else looks on at her, too, expecting an answer. They do all, though, seem a lot more indifferent than Manny. It's not the kind of thing I'd expect them to care about. "You can't be serious."

Emma stays silent for a minute. She looks from the ground, to her hands, to her side, back to Manny. She looks so damn uncomfortable.

"Why the hell would you _do_ that?" Manny argues. "What if you don't get in next year?"

Emma shrugs a little. "I just wanted a free summer! We can hang out more, Manny. I thought you'd be happy."

"Well, not after you've been talking about this since-"

"Okay," Alex pipes in, pointing at the door to Spinner's house. "If you two are having some issues, get them out of the party and go sort them out inside."

Manny nods, grabbing Emma's hand and pulling her inside. Emma rolls her eyes and mouths a sarcastic "thank you" to Alex, who sits back and looks at the rest of us.

"Anyway, back to what we were saying before-"

I listen to Alex only halfway; the other half is wondering what the hell was up. Emma's not being antisocial by most standards, but for talkative and outspoken Greenpeace who's always shoving her opinions down people's throats, it's weird to see her making few comments and not smiling much. Not hearing her talk about how Spinner shouldn't have ordered pepperoni pizza because of the meat is a little odd, but it's kind of relaxing, in a way. I quickly shove it out of my head and listen to what Alex is saying when Manny comes walking back out of the house, looking aggravated.

"She said she's going to try to spend more time with her birth father who lives in a mental hospital. I don't believe it for a second."

"Her dad's a nutjob?" Spinner asks.

"You're such a sensitive guy, Spinner." Manny rolls her eyes. "Yeah, her dad fell down and lost it, or something like that. She found out about it a few years ago. And she hasn't even mentioned him since then, so I don't know why she cares all of a sudden. You didn't hear it from me, though."

"Visiting her dad? That sounds sweet, Manny," Darcy says. Typical Darcy comment. "Maybe she's not lying."

"I know Emma pretty damn well. She's lying."

"Where is she, anyway?" asks Paige.

"She said she'll be out in a minute."

No more than a minute later, Emma walks back outside. It's weird. She looks a little paler and more tired, but seems happier than she was before. She takes her seat again, in between Manny and Peter, and flashes each of them a weary smile.

"Wow. Pretty sure you weren't this happy five minutes ago," Paige points out. As much as I don't like Paige, she pretty much stole the thoughts from my head at that point.

Emma freezes for a second. "Oh! Yeah...just, uh, my mom called. She...surprised me with a new phone and she's going to give it to me when I come back from the party."

"What kind?"

"A...Blackberry."

"Nice!" everyone comments. Manny seems skeptical, but the idea of seeing Emma a little bit happier must have made her forget about it. Maybe it was just me, but they all seem to take Emma's answers so lightly. Am I crazy for wondering if she was lying or not? Seems kind of fishy to me. It doesn't help the matter when I see her head start to fall down in what seems like tiredness, and then all of a sudden jerk back up as if realizing she was falling asleep. She still has a weak little smile on her face, though. It's all kind of strange to me how everybody is accepting her answers for what they are when I'm doubting them so much - that she's fine, that she's trying to spend more time with her dad, that her mom really did get her a new phone. Either I'm being overly perceptive, or Emma's acting really, really strange. I kind of think it's the second one, but nobody else seems to catch on.

Not that I'm going to make it a priority or anything, but it's weird to see Greenpeace acting so strange. And I want to know what's behind it.

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**I love Jemma. God, it took about fifteen minutes to write just the last two paragraphs because I kept falling asleep. I've learned something - writing in the POV of Jay and writing accurate dialogue for some of the characters is pretty hard, as well. Oh, well! Please review - more to come soon!**


	2. Realizations

Damage Control

By Degrassi-Doll

Jay x Emma

Chapter Two

**Chapter 2! I have so many ideas for this story. I can't wait to really get into it! Thanks to all who reviewed! Again, I am here for anyone who needs to talk about eating disorders or would like help in any way. Thank you for reading! -smile-**

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"Everyone got the memo to wear bathing suits, right? My pool's open now," Spinner says, snapping me out of my thoughts about why Emma could possibly be acting so funny. Snapping me right out of them, in fact, because the prospect of seeing five beautiful young ladies in bikinis is pretty tempting. So, yes, I did get the memo.

Jumping up from their chairs, the girls slide out of their tops and shorts and reveal their bathing suits. And, well, shit. Paige is hotter than I'd like to admit, and I've seen Darcy half-naked before at Spinner's Christian camp thing. No complaints there. Manny's boobs in person are just as wonderful as Peter's video made them out to be, and seeing Alex in her bikini made me remember why I wanted her so much in the first place. It wouldn't hurt to see a little more of Emma than I did at the ravine that night, too. For some reason, though, her behavior's getting weirder and weirder. She not only keeps on that ridiculous sweatshirt, but she doesn't go in the pool. And whatever perkiness she had after coming back in from Spinner's house is completely gone. She almost looks panicked, if I were to guess it. She really must be exhausted.

"Not coming in?" Manny asks after she and everyone else jump into the water.

"Period," Emma replies lazily from across the pool, a hazy look in her face. God. Shameless, much? Most girls I know are afraid to even say the forbidden P-word in front of guys. Admitting she's on hers? Greenpeace is pretty ballsy. I'll give her that.

"Ever heard of a tampon, hon?" Paige blurts out.

"Can't fit them in," Emma responds.

Jesus. Too much information.

"Bull!" Manny calls, laughing and splashing Emma a little. "We swam all summer last year; of course you can fit in a freakin' tampon."

"Okay, sorry. You're right. Look. I just don't really feel well, okay? Period stuff. You understand."

The other girls seem to accept her answer – I'm glad I'll never know how a period feels – and Spinner calls out awkwardly, "Emma? There's some Ibuprofen in the kitchen, if it...helps. Yeah...Kendra takes it sometimes when she has…er, cramps, and…"

Before Spinner can make more of a jackass of himself, Darcy splashes him and hugs him from behind. This shuts him up immediately.

"Yeah, I think I will, Spinner. Thank you!" Emma says, a small smile on her face forming as she walks into Spinner's house. The first smile I've seen since the whole pool idea was brought up at all, actually.

"Why aren't you in yet, Hogart?" Alex yells from across the pool at me.

"Didn't bring swim trunks. Came from work, so I have to go in to change into some of Spinner's. Unless, of course, you want me to change in front of all you lovely people?"

"We'll pass. I think I'm done with seeing that much of you." Ouch. "Go change and get in here!"

"While you're at it, bring out the ice cream that's in the freezer, alright?" Spinner calls, heaving Darcy on his shoulders. "There's two tubs in there."

"On it," I say, walking inside to grab the swim trunks and ice cream. After I step through Spinner's back door, I step around through the kitchen into the living room. The staircase starts in the living room, but before I see the stairs, I see Emma's back leaning against the wall near the front door. She's sighing and taking deep breaths, her eyes shut like she's trying to block out some memory or something. Still has that damn sweatshirt on, too; half of me just wants to rip the thing off and yell at her for being so weather-confused. She even has the hood up. What's _up_ with her?

As soon as she sees me approaching, she stares. She looks horrified, like I'm about to pull a gun on her. Lord, now I know why I wanted to find out what's going on. She's acting weird even for Emma Nelson. Her eyes are huge and wide and her body absolutely freezes. Like she's scared of me, or something. It's really, really strange.

"What are you doing? I thought you were getting Ibuprofen and coming right back out."

"Me? What are _you_ doing?"

I sigh, exasperated. "I'm grabbing a pair of Spinner's swim trunks, if you really have to know. Seriously, though. What the _hell_ are you _doing_?"

"Look, if you're gonna push the issue, here. I don't feel well. At all. Manny really wanted me to come, so I did, but I feel sick. Really sick. Okay? Now go put on your swim trunks and leave me alone."

Hm. Well, it seems like an acceptable answer. Her tiredness, her period, her irritability, and the fact that I caught her looking like she was about to pass out a few times. I guess I understand her not wanting to go in the water. She must really not feel well if she's being this odd about it. Either that or she has a screwed up way of showing sickness. I shrug and nod at her and head upstairs to Spinner's room to get the swim trunks. "Whatever, Greenpeace."

When I come back down, wearing Spinner's swim trunks and carrying my shorts in my hand, I don't see Emma anymore. Good. She must've finally decided to go back outside. Even though I found the fact that she wasn't talking as much kind of nice at first, now it's just _weird_. She better have gotten back outside and joined the fun, because she's seriously putting a damper on the party. Maybe she even took an Ibuprofen and will feel well enough to go in the pool a little later. Eh, or maybe not. Could be my wishful thinking of seeing her half-nude.

I turn from the stairs back to the kitchen. Emma's in there, too, her hand just about to turn the doorknob open to go back outside, when she hears my footsteps walking towards her. She turns her body to face me, but I'm already at the freezer grabbing the ice cream.

She stops for a minute, seeing my hand touch the freezer handle. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ice cream to bring outside," I say, pulling out the tubs of cookie dough and mint chocolate chip ice cream. "You should have some."

For some reason, those words make her stop completely. She looks like she's seeing a ghost. A few seconds later, I could swear that I see her chest heaving up and down underneath that baggy sweatshirt like she's having a panic attack or something.

"W-why do you say that?" she asks, a mix between fright and defensiveness in her voice.

I say sarcastically (and with some frustration, too, because of how strange she's being), "So I can bring it upstairs and you can lick it off my naked body. To eat, what do you think? Maybe it'll make you feel better, or something? God. Unless the first option appeals to you more."

I'm actually scared for her for a second when she puts her hand to her chest and her eyes go shut. Her other hand goes to her head and she seriously looks like she's going to start screaming. She finally regains enough composure to say, "I have to go to the bathroom."

Then, she runs upstairs. I could have sworn I heard a sob come from her throat.

Okay. Something's _really_ wrong here. She's not just sick. I know it. I figure it's probably her dad, or something. Didn't Manny say he was off his rocker? I put the ice cream back in the freezer and slowly creep upstairs behind her.

The upstairs floor of Spinner's house has four rooms: a bathroom, Mrs. Mason's room, Spinner's room, and Kendra's room. I've been here before, so I know which room is which. So, I put my ear to the bathroom door and listen for Emma. I don't hear anything. I give it a knock, just in case. Nothing.

The hell's _up_ with her? I try Kendra's room instead, knocking on the door.

"Yeah?" a voice responds to the knock.

I open the door to see – who the hell else? – Kendra. She's sitting there reading some weird backwards Japanese comic book. "Hey, uh, I'm guessing Emma's not in here?"

Kendra looks at me curiously. "Um, no. Why would she be? Isn't she supposed to be at Spinner's party?"

"…Yeah, right," I say, shutting the door.

That leaves only Spinner's room and Spinner's mom's room. I figure that it's a little more likely that she's in Spinner's room, but still. What on Earth would possess her to go into _either_ of the rooms? When I put my ear to the door of Spinner's room, I can hear a small noise. It's not loud and obnoxious, but every once in awhile I hear a little choke or a gasp for breath.

It's got to be Emma.

I could just knock on the door and go in to see if she's alright. It's really a stupid idea to do what I'm about to do. In fact, depending on how angry or sad she might be, this idea could involve a kick to the nuts from Emma if she sees. But, because I have a death wish or something, I creak the door open a little hair – just enough to see Spinner's room, but not enough for Emma to hear me open it. I'm only screwed if she happens to look my way.

I have to keep back a gasp at Emma. She's sitting on Spinner's bed, her back turned to his door and to me, sobbing. Absolutely sobbing. I don't ever remember seeing anyone cry this much, especially at a party. Could she really be crying about her dad? I really, _really_ want to know what the hell is going on. Even if just for the curiosity of it, I'll admit. Though, I think anyone would be just a _little_ concerned if they saw what I'm seeing right now.

A few seconds later, she steps over to look in the mirror, her back still turned to me. I guess either her eyes are too tearstained or she's too unstable to see me through the reflection of the mirror right now, but she seems oblivious to the fact that anything but her image in the mirror exists. She seems to calm down a little when she sees herself in the mirror, her sobs slowly becoming less and less pronounced. She takes a few deep breaths and then reaches down.

God. She's taking off her pants.

I can't even think right now about the fact that she's probably having a mental breakdown, and I also can't think about why the hell she'd be taking off her pants. Fact is, she's taking off her pants. This shouldn't be too bad to watch. When she finally finishes unzipping them and pulls them off and flicks them across the room, I have an even harder time keeping back my gasp. I don't know how the hell I manage to.

Emma's legs are absolutely _thin_. And I mean beyond an attractive amount of thin. They are _skinny_. Emma isn't the kind of girl whose legs are supposed to be that small. I know that Alex has thin legs, but she's Alex and has a slenderer build than Emma does. The gap between Emma's thighs is bigger than it should be – if there should even be a gap at all. Her ankle bones are sticking out way too much. I don't know what on Earth to think right now.

Then, just as I've registered that what I'm seeing is real, she pulls off her sweatshirt. She looks a little tense while she's doing so. Like seeing her skinny legs made her freaked by how thin she was, or something. Still, though, for another reason I can't begin to fathom, her sweatshirt comes off and goes across the room next to her pants. Her shirt goes along with it, leaving her standing, back to me, in nothing but her bra and underpants.

I feel sick. This isn't normal. I don't know what to do. Emma's backbone is visible and her shoulder blades are protruding, and from the angle I'm standing I can see her hipbones sticking out. Too much. What little I can see from the reflection on the mirror tells me that her collarbone is also way more visible than it's healthy for it to be, and her arms have got to be half the width of her legs. Her ribs are sticking out and I don't even need to see the front of her to guess that her breastbone is probably showing, too.

I can't force back a gasp this time. It comes out, and Emma hears it. When she turns around, I know I'm caught. I should turn around and go, pretending it was an honest mistake, but instead I force the door open more to get a clearer look at her. I can't believe what I'm seeing right now. She's starving herself. Seeing the front of her confirms it, not that there would be any reason to doubt it from behind. Her eye makeup is running like crazy and I can tell by her body language and shaking legs that another breakdown is about to happen. A breakdown that I'm probably going to see.

Emma's anorexic.

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**I hope you liked this chapter. I love writing this story, and there are so many things that I have in mind to happen! I wish I'd started this story earlier so I could have more time to write it before school starts. Oh, well - I will still make time during school because of how much I love writing this and how much I can relate to it and how much I love Jemma. It's a win-win-win situation. And I hope you all like it, too! Review the second chapter if you get the chance to, please. Thanks! And remember, fellow ED patients - there is always hope, and I am here if you need to talk!**


	3. Neurocies

Damage Control

By Degrassi-Doll

Jay x Emma

Chapter Three

**Here's another chapter! Ugh, I start school tomorrow. You have no idea how much that bums me out. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Review, please! More to come very shortly!**

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"Emma! What the hell?"

If I thought she was panicky and crazy before, I hadn't seen anything yet. She's borderline insane right now, throwing her sweatshirt at me and screaming, tears pouring down her face. Half of me expects her to run down the stairs and open the door and run away like they do in movies, or some shit like that. I'd be scared right now if it weren't for how pathetically helpless she seems to be. God, Spinner and the others must be wondering what we're doing. I hope none of them come inside to see where we are.

"What the hell, yourself! What are you doing here? I'm practically naked, you bastard! How long have you been here? Me sucking you wasn't enough, I guess? You had to come in and try to sneak a peek at me _naked_? Well, I hope you like what you see!"

She lowers her body angrily down to the ground and, soon enough, I see her on her stomach, face down on the ground, sobbing. How the hell am I supposed to handle this situation? I can't believe she thinks I was trying to see her strip, or something! Someone's a bit egoistical. Either that, or my rep led her to believe it…yeah, the second one is probably the accurate one.

But can this sobbing and panicking and tantrum really be a result of her starving herself? I thought anorexic people just refused to eat and then slowly began to love their body more because they have some fucked up idea of what their body should look like.

"Look, Emma, if it's your dad, then-"

She, in a rush, picks herself up. She's still almost ass-naked; I don't know why she'd accuse me of trying to look at her naked and then refuse to put clothes on when she sees me.

"My _dad_? You think this is all about my _dad_?"

It's not, then. Wow. I guess there's only one explanation. Maybe she's finally realized how much weight she's lost.

"Greenpeace, pull yourself together. You're being ridiculous. I mean, well, it's a good thing you're so sad, okay? Looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing how you look? Finally realizing that you have a problem?"

Her eyes look manic. She almost laughs. I'd piss myself or something if I weren't scared for her.

"First thing you've said this whole time that makes any damn sense, Hogart. I have a serious problem. The problem of looking like a whale!"

It's probably a shitty instinct considering the circumstances, but I have to let out a dry laugh. "You're funny, Greenpeace. Do you not see how skinny you are?"

"Do _you_ not see how _fat_ I am?"

Well, I sure feel like an asshole. She's not joking at all.

When I think about it, it does all seem to fit together. Letting Alex eat her pizza, not wanting to go swimming, freaking out over the ice cream. She really thinks she's fat! But how the hell could someone who's literally starving herself think that she's fat? I just want to smack her and tell her that Manny and Paige look a hell of a lot better half-naked than she does because they actually have shape. Jesus. By her logic, even Darcy and Alex would be considered fat. But all four of them look fine to me. Emma's the only one who doesn't! This doesn't exactly seem like the right thing to say, though. Unless I want to die, or something.

"You're not fat, Emma."

"Ha, easy for you to say!"

"Emma, look. Maybe we can get you help?" I can't believe I'm offering to help out Emma out of the goodness of my heart. I didn't even know my heart had the capacity for that much goodness. Lord in Heaven, though, anyone would be a heartless asshole not to do something about a problem this serious.

"Help? I don't need any help! I'm fine on my own! Besides, even if I did want any help or anything, what makes you think I'd choose _you_ of all people?"

"Maybe because nobody else seems to know about this and you could damn well die if you don't motherfucking _eat_ something?"

"You're not helping at all, Jay," she says, almost threateningly. "There's a reason people don't know. Because then they'll get me to eat more, and I'll gain weight."

Even saying those words makes her look like she's in pain. The thought of it must really kill her. So, she doesn't want my help. What am I supposed to do?

Well, if she doesn't want my help, then maybe it's karma. I offer to help, she doesn't want it. That means it's not my problem, I guess. One less thing to worry about, anyway. Still, though, can she really not see that she needs it?

"Fine, Greenpeace. But when you're in the hospital half-dead, don't come crying to me."

Well, the idea of being half-dead doesn't seem too bad to her; my offer to leave her alone at least seems to calm her down a little, as twisted as that sounds. If she got herself into this mess, she's probably the only one who can get herself out, anyway.

"Put your clothes on, Emma. Come back out. Everyone else is waiting for us."

"Yeah," she says, wiping at her eyes. "I guess if I don't eat for the rest of the day, I'll be fine."

"I think you should eat as much ice cream as possible!" I say, trying to maybe lighten up the mood while still letting her know that she should eat something.

Whoops. Bad idea. Fuck.

"Do you really want to fatten me up, Jay?" she asks accusingly. "God! Why do people who want to help not understand that I don't want to get fat? They must like seeing me suffer, really!"

"Wait, so other people know about this?"

"If by 'this' you mean the fact that I supposedly have an eating disorder or something, yeah. My mom knows. Sees me around the house, saying I'm too thin. Tells me I'm anorexic. Keeps all of my favorite foods in the house, hoping I'll eat some of it. And you know what? I don't. I don't ever eat any of it. She can't win. The temptation to eat can't win when I'm stronger than that, and I don't need it! She just wants to see me get fat for whatever reason, or something."

"Emma, seriously. You must go crazy seeing your favorite foods in the house and not eating them. Isn't that reason enough to stop this shit?"

She closes her eyes, looking like she's trying her damnedest to fight back the urge to cry more. "What shit? It's called having willpower. Try it sometime instead of eating pizza and ice cream with everyone else, Jay. That's what you all need to learn. Anyway, hunger is a feeling. Thin is a skill."

I groan. This is insane. I'm losing patience with her, and I just want to shake this eating disorder crap out of her. I can't imagine how her mom must feel. I've known for all of five minutes or so and I already want to slap her until she comes to some sense. I can't even bring up a response to that ridiculous comment about hunger only being a feeling. It's so far-fetched that I don't even have a reply.

"Eventually, though, you're just going to _have_ to eat that stuff your mom bought. If not from hunger, then from the fact that it's been sitting in your cabinet and you must be going batshit insane _not_ eating it."

"Been there, done that," she says, starting to get even more annoyed, if that's possible. Making me more annoyed, if that's possible. "About a month ago, or so. Made a microwave pizza and had some Oreos with it. And all that did was make me vomit it right back up. Like I'd never eaten it at all."

I gasp. "So now you're bulimic, too?"

"God, Jay! You're not my mother! Stop being on my case! Besides, I don't do that too often, anyway. I usually don't eat enough to feel like I have to. I did a little while ago, but that was the last time I purged since a few weeks ago. It's not a big deal. And I'd prefer it if you _dropped it_."

She says the last two words in a way that makes me think she's trying to kill me with them. Suddenly, something clicks.

"Emma. When you came back outside. After you talked with Manny about your "dad" and your "new phone." You looked pale but happy. You purged then, didn't you?"

Emma rolls her eyes and does a flimsy clap with her hands. "Brilliant, Jay. You've figured me out. You're so _smart_. Want a medal?"

"You're seriously pissing me off right now, Emma," I say. "Snap the fuck out of it."

"Out of _what_? My _lifestyle_? You can't control me, Jay Hogart."

"So it was all fake. The dad, the phone. You're not even going to camp because of this, are you? You know what? That just makes you pathetic. It makes you scum. You're using your dad's condition to get you out of explaining a problem that you have. You're crazy, Emma."

For a second, she actually looks hurt. It's better than stubborn and angry, though. Maybe I've finally reached her.

"Why would I go to the leadership camp if they have a meal plan and desserts and no exercise equipment or anything? Either way, I get panicky in public situations sometimes. Exhibit A. I mean, you never know if there will be food! I'd rather be at home where I know what's in the house and I have my diet routine safely in my head. Not that you'd care, though, since all you see me as is pathetic scum. Just like the other girls you gave STDs to."

"This isn't fucking _about_ me!" I scream. So loudly that I'm sure the others heard it. Oh, well. I don't have time to care about that right now.

I didn't know I had that much anger over the issue. I just can't take this anymore. She's insane. She needs to see a doctor, or something. Maybe I should just call a hospital right now and get her off my case without feeling guilty. Anyway, Emma's anger continues to fade, it looks like. But she looks more and more sad with every second that goes by. I half expect her to start crying and hugging me and telling me I'm right and that I'm her savior and that she needs to gain weight. But she doesn't. She just turns the other way. I feel like she's crying again. God, is there no right thing to say to someone who's anorexic?

"It's so, so hard. So difficult," she mutters under her breath.

I can't take any more of these damn histrionics of hers. "Okay. I'm done. Fine. You win. I'll leave you alone, and you can die in the hospital because you refused to accept anyone's help. Good luck, Greenpeace."

With that, I turn out towards the door. I'm greeted, though, by a very concerned-looking Peter Stone coming into the room.

As I stand in the doorway, I see him rushing in through Spinner's door. "I heard screaming, Emma, are you oka-"

He stops. He looks at his girlfriend. His anorexic girlfriend. I can tell he has the same thoughts I initially did. "Oh, my God."

"Peter! This isn't what it looks like! We weren't doing anything, I promise! My clothes are only off because-"

"Because why, Emma? Can you explain?"

"She's fucking anorexic, man. You're not blind. You can see that. I couldn't help but notice, myself."

"You're _anorexic_?"

"Are you that stupid, Peter?" I ask, pretty much disregarding the fact that Emma is right in the room. "Look at her! You haven't noticed anything? You've been dating for months, haven't you?"

"She's always in baggy clothes...God, Emma, is this why you can't ever go out to dinner with me?"

Emma looks completely desperate by this point. "Peter, it's not a big deal! Just hear me out-"

"Hear you out? That you're ditching me because you're scared of food, or something? Grow up, Emma. I mean, look at you! You're nothing but skin and bones!"

"Not you, too! Doesn't anyone else realize that I'm still far from where I need to be in terms of my weight?"

"You're crazy!" Peter shouts. "Do you really think you look _good_, Emma? Or that losing more weight will make you look _better_? If anything, it'll only make you dead!"

I can't disagree with Peter, here, as much as I'd love to. But isn't he her boyfriend? If he wants to keep that status, it would probably be a good idea for him to stop implying that his girlfriend looks ugly and shut up.

"If you don't like the way I look, Peter," Emma fumes through clenched teeth, "then maybe you shouldn't be my boyfriend."

Peter looks at the ground for a few minutes, as if contemplating something. "You know what? Maybe I shouldn't. There are plenty of girls without all this baggage out there. Good luck being normal again."

Wow. What a douchebag.

Emma looks like she's been stabbed, or something. I don't know who I want to strangle more - Peter for being such a douchebag, or Emma for being so damn neurotic. In the end, though, I can't keep the truth from Emma. She can't think that Peter's wrong, even if he went about it in a shitty way.

"He's right, Emma. Look, you need to sort your stuff out."

With that, I turn, shut the door, and leave her to herself.

I walk down the stairs slowly, thinking about a million things with each step. Can it really be possible for anyone who's that thin to think that they need to lose more weight? And does she really not think she has a problem? That might be the biggest problem she has. I just don't understand it - I mean, food is pretty awesome. I don't know how she can even live with herself without eating. And wearing a baggy sweatshirt? What does that prove? Usually people who want to hide their extra weight wear those. Oh, wait. I forgot; Emma, for some reason, thinks she _has_ extra weight. Nothing about this anorexia makes sense, I'm noticing. All I know about it is that it's making Emma into a mess, and I don't know why I ever offered to help her when she seems so far beyond help. Her mom will have to call a hospital eventually - it's her and Emma's problem, not mine. However fucked up she is all because of not eating is nothing I need to deal with. I tried, and failed. Doesn't seem like there's much more I can do.

When I finally reach the bottom stair, I hear a scream. It has to be Emma, unless Kendra suddenly decided to have a panic attack. She must be napping, or something. I don't know how the hell she isn't responding to all this noise. The scream literally reminds me of someone who is being tortured to their death. Emma doesn't seem to realize that that's pretty much what she's doing to herself, anyway.

It's too piercing and awful a scream to ignore. I race back up the stairs and slam Spinner's door open, only to see Emma still standing there in her bra and underwear. She's covering her head with her hands and looking down, tears once again bawling out of her eyes. I didn't know a single human could cry that many tears without losing the ability to cry any more, or something.

"Emma!"

She does nothing but push me out of the way. "Get the _fuck_ away from me, Hogart. You made it perfectly clear you want nothing to do with me!"

"Emma, come on. You just need to realize that you need to eat more, and you'll be fi-"

"Fine? When I'm ruining everyone's life?" she screams as she stomps past me and opens the bathroom door, stepping inside and reaching for the cabinet in the bathroom. "When my mom cries all the time because she thinks I have a problem? When Peter broke up with me because he thinks I have a problem? When you're telling me that I have a problem? When I'm, for some reason, acting like a fucking mess even though I know I _don't_ have a problem?"

She grabs one of the razors from the bathroom cabinet and takes off the plastic cap covering the blades.

My eyes widen and I can feel the color draining from my face. "Emma. What are you doing?"

Forget a hospital. She should be in a mental institution. Her face looks almost like she's about to start cackling with laughter.

"I've never tried this before, Jay. But I feel so messed up that maybe it can't be so bad. I mean, other people do it, right? They say it takes the emotional pain away? There has to be something to it if so many people do it."

I snarl, unsure if I'm more pissed at Emma or at the object she's holding. "Emma Nelson, you put that goddamn razor _down_."

"Again, _Jay Hogart_, you're not my mother. You said yourself you don't care."

She begins to move the razor towards her thigh. I know she's not kidding. I know there's something really, really wrong with her. Didn't doubt it before, of course. But this is deeper than thinking she's fat. Whatever this is that's wrong with her, it's _bad_.

Before she can get the razor to touch her skin, I grab her free left hand and wriggle the razor out from her right hand. Obviously, she puts up some resistance. There's no way in hell, though, that I'm not getting this razor from her.

I look down at my hand, feeling it grasp something. Emma falls backwards a bit, but seems to catch herself. The next thing I know, my palm feels a sting. And, the next thing I know, it's bleeding. All over the Masons' bathroom floor. It hurts like a bitch and I can't keep back a hiss at the pain.

But I got the razor from Emma.

She looks terrified. I swear, every time I've seen her face in the past ten minutes, she's looked terrified. But every time, it's been a different kind of terror. I didn't know that many types of terror existed.

"Jay."

Emma, immediately, looks at my face. She seems to be unable to make any sort of facial appearance except for horror. For some reason, I'm still clutching the razor in my hand. I drop it to the ground, wondering how the hell I grabbed it by the blade and not by the handle. Have I ever bled this much? I don't think I ever have.

I can't help it. I think I'm going to lose it again.

Going to the bathroom cabinet to find a bandage and something to wash out the wound with, I glare angrily at Emma. "Is this what you _want_? Do you want _this_ to happen to you? _Do you_? Because, let me tell you. It fucking _hurts_!"

She's shaking. Maybe I'm hitting something here.

"I don't give a shit how much you hate your body. I don't give a shit how little you eat. But, let me tell you something. Anyone who does this on _purpose_ has no idea what the hell they're doing! Because do you know how much this hurts? I guarantee you. Again, I don't care how big you _think_ you are. The pain that hating your body feels can't compare with having your palm bleeding all over the damn bathroom!"

Her shaking doesn't stop for a second. It only gets worse. And the next thing she does is leap over the razor on the ground and hug me.

"Jay," she sobs, "you have no idea what the pain feels like."

I'm furious, of course. She's being selfish again. To think that getting your _hand cut open_ is less painful than being a little bit body-conscious. What the hell is wrong with her?

She's in no state to be yelled at, though. There's plenty of time for that after this whole thing is settled.

What can I do? I hug her, rubbing her bare back with the hand that's not bleeding, feeling her protruding spine underneath my fingers.

* * *

**Haha, did you like my "hunger is a feeling thin is a skill" reference? Either way, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I hope Jay wasn't too OOC, so please let me know if he was! In my opinion, as selfish and jerkish as he is, he really does have a heart of gold deep down, in my opinion. Please review and look out for more to come soon!**


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